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 How
much space does a homemaker have in her own house?
Is a woman’s destiny only a man? A question posed by Mahesh
Manjrekar’s woman-centric movie, Astitva. Look at the
city-bred, convent-educated, MNC-employed woman next door, and
one may feel convinced to reply in the negative.
Wait a second. Think of the ruralite womenfolk who suffer from
the so-called Pati-parmeshwar syndrome. For many of
them who endure the torments of life, men are indeed equal to
God.
Words Of The Manu:-
According to Manusmriti, a woman -- whom it accords the
status of weaker sex -- has to be protected throughout her
life, in her childhood by her father, during her youth and
after her marriage, by her husband and later, in her old age,
by her son.
Over the past decades, waves of liberalization have swept
across the world of urban women, and to a lesser extent, in
rural areas too. Capable women run top corporates, whereas in
rural areas, organizations like SEWA, Mahila Gruh Udyog Lijjat
Papad and the successful cooperative movement, Amul have taken
root, the core of which comprises rural women.
This drives home a crucial point: That lack of proper
education and urban upbringing are no hindrance to the
entrepreneurial skills of capable women, These capabilities
need to be tapped, yet the basic essence of being a woman
(which makes her feel overtly responsible towards her familial
needs) often overpowers the drive to prove talent and ability.
A Realistic Picture:-
As a child, the girl fulfills her duties as a daughter and
sister. Often, despite having a good job backed by good
education, soon after marriage, she is overcome by a gush of
emotions which make her feel guilty for “neglecting her
responsibilities” as a wife and a daughter-in-law first and
later, as a mother.
She sacrifices her own aspirations, dreams and ambitions by
putting her career on the backburner and finally gives up her
job. She devotes her heart and soul to her family by being
there for them whenever needed and by fulfilling all their
needs, sometimes even before they ask for it.
My question here is, how much space does a homemaker get in
her own home, for which she gives up all her personal wants
and desires? As her children grow up and get involved in their
own lives and their friends’ circles, the mother is
conveniently taken for granted and sometimes even ignored or
forgotten. The same may be the case with her husband, who will
have little time for family.
 The
Bottomline:
The home, which the woman considered as her only world, no
longer remains her domain. She is seldom given an opportunity
to have her say in household matters, the reason cited as her
lack of exposure to the outside world, the world she gave up
for her “inner world: her house” which she painstakingly
transformed into a warm, cozy and beautiful home.
Now, she reaches at a juncture where she regrets having
succumbed to the urge of being a perfect wife, mother and
homemaker. She enters a stage of remorse and in some cases,
ends up having a nervous breakdown, as she is not able to
accept the insensitive, callous behaviour of her family.
On guard
The only way out for the lady of the house is to safeguard her
identity by not letting her individuality get submerged and by
keeping her priorities intact all her life and creating a
place for herself. Here are a few steps by which she can
create space for herself at home without losing her identity:
• Reading newspapers and magazines on a daily basis, thus
keeping herself abreast of the happenings across the world.
• Creating a friends’ circle of her own will give her an
opportunity to mix with the outside world and also serve as a
welcome break from her routine household chores.
• A small-time career could also be pursued which can be
extended hobbies. Several women run businesses from their
homes, e.g. making bags, bindis and other similar items,
running classes for tutoring children, undertaking catering
orders, etc. Simultaneously, they can earn themselves a tidy
packet that would suffice for meeting their personal
requirements. May women manage beauty parlours from their
homes.
• Joining classes for music, cooking, English speaking (if
they aren’t well conversant with the language) etc could give
a huge boost to their confidence and guard against developing
any inferiority complex.
Besides, there are many other ways by which a homemaker can
keep herself occupied and utilize her time in a constructive
manner. Work is the best way by which a woman can keep away
negative thoughts also maintain her self-respect, dignity and
position within and outside her home.
Compare & Contrast:-
Let me illustrate with two hypothetical characters, one played
by Tabu in Astitva and the other, played by Niki Aneja Walia
in the popular tele-serial Astitva: Ek Prem Kahani.
The former is a woman Aditi Shrikant Pandit who makes all
sacrifices possible to keep her family happy. Here is a woman
whose entire life centres around her home, husband, son and
family. She even finds the rays of the Sun entering her home
familiar and has an attachment with every wall of her house.
Yet, for one weak moment she got into, her family disowns her.
At that juncture in life, she decides to call it quits and
leaves her house in search of her own identity.
The second instance is that of Dr Simran’s character in the
serial where she is shown as a very successful gynaecologist,
whose husband indulges in infidelity. She throws him out of
her house, brings up her daughter single-handedly and doesn’t
shy away from society. This is an example of a woman who takes
her own decisions in life and leads an independent life.
Thus, it is up to a woman as to whose footsteps she wants to
follow, that of a person who surrenders her identity for the
sake of her family and then realizes her mistake at a late
hour or that of a well-qualified, established woman who takes
it upon herself to face life the way it is, without wallowing
in self-pity.
Women must do acknowledge their responsibilities towards
themselves, which can and should never be neglected or
postponed for the sake of anyone or anything. Nothing in this
world is worth sacrificing your own aspirations for. A
person’s greatest assets apart from a warm, caring family are
self-respect, dignity and individuality.
BY PREETI
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