For women, silence is not golden in marital arguments

23 August, 2007:

Women who keep quiet during a marital argument are four times more likely to die than women who express themselves freely during such arguments. Depression and irritable bowel syndrome are also more common in these women.

Experts believe such ‘self- silencing’ (that is, forcing oneself to hold one’s tongue during an argument instead of expressing oneself freely during conflict) may have provided an evolutionary survival advantage long ago, but not now, according to a recent research conducted in the United States.

The study, published in Psychosomatic Medicine, is believed to be the first to examine behavior, heart disease and mortality in the context of marital relationships.

Dr Elaine Eaker, lead author of the study, and her team studied 3,682 men and women, most of whom were aged in their forties and fifties at the beginning of the study.

The participants of the study were then followed for 10 years for the development of heart disease and for death from any cause.

The study confirmed that marriage is good for men’s health – compared with unmarried men – and husbands were nearly half as likely to die during the follow-up period.

The researchers found men whose wives came home from work upset about their jobs were 2.7 times as likely to develop heart disease as men whose wives were less work-stressed.

It was also found that a wife's problems at work could upset her husband because he is unable to “protect” her.

According to Dr Elaine Eaker, the current study is the first one to look at behavior, heart disease and mortality in the context of marital relationships.
While many studies have looked into marital status and quality and heart disease, none has looked at how these are affected by relationship and communication dynamics.

The researchers said attention has been focused on the changing roles of women and the changing roles and expectations of husbands/men also need to be scrutinized and understood.

The findings stresses the importance of healthy communication within marriage, Dr Eaker says, though she has asked other researchers confirm the results “before we make a lot out of them.”

Nevertheless, she concludes: “Both spouses really need to allow another person a safe environment to express feelings when they are in conflict, both for their own health, and for the health of the relationship.”