Why Indian Naris should wear saris

As a school in West Bengal orders its women teachers to always wear a Sari at work, to the obvious discontent of the female staff, we cogitate on the state of affairs in paranoid wonderment.

27 August, 2007:

Ah, Sari, sir. Sari because Bhartiya Nari is not modest these days, because she refuses to wear the Sari. Sari is Indian woman’s garb of ghareluness. Today she is shunning the sari for sorry jeans and salwar kameez. She has let her proud pallu down to take up the dreadful drape of the dupatta. Oh, Mother India, your daughters have abandoned your glory, they have stepped out of the house, leaving the men to wear bangles in the kitchen. What have the times come to. Alas.

There is a school somewhere in West Bengal. The school has taken a very respectable step to give the Sari its due. It has asked all the teachers in the school to wear Sari. No, only lady teachers should wear the sari. Men teachers need not wear anything. The lady teachers in salwar suits will not be welcome. If they protest, they can take a vacation, or another vocation. Sari must be worn, even if the teacher is teaching PT. She must jump in her Sari, petticoat and all. If our President can wear the Sari with her ghunghat in place on her pate, what should stop all the ladies, misses, and Mrses from donning this piece of Draupadi’s savior of sanctity?

Spare the Sari, Spoil the Lady

Our women are going out of the household today to earn money. Our men have become the silent, impotent bystanders to this utter act of udder dominance. They are driving cars, riding on scooters in cleavage showing t-shirt and jeans. They are wearing mini skirts at reception desks, with stockings as an excuse to cover their legs. They are wearing shirts and pants in offices so that they look like men with breasts. They wear salwar suits of transparent type so one can see their bodice. They say sari at work is very uncomfortable. This is no excuse. How can sari be uncomfortable, when your mothers and their mothers all wore saris and still toiled in the kitchen, sweat or no sweat? Sari to burst your bubble, but you should stay at home and wear a sari.

That is what womanhood in India means. Salwar suits only suit unmarried girls. If you are married, you must tend to the house wearing a sari all the time. Like they show in those television serials, you should even sleep wearing a heavy sari. If you wear make up, you must not remove that either. You must always be presentable to the man of the house. You must realize we must bring back the glory of our olden days.

The image of Indian woman must not be tarnished by the clothes sold by Devil who wears Prada. No, I am not talking of Jaya Prada, she was very respectable because she showed great promise in saris. She even danced in a song featuring Vimal Saris in Tohfa. There were saris everywhere in the song, tunnels made out of saris, tents made out of saris, and what not made out of saris. This was a very strong message for the wanton Indian woman to give up her frocking attire and adopt the sari as her companion in every walk of life.

The Louse in the Blouse

And look what that talentless Punjabi kudi Mandira Bedi has done to the blouse. Her blouse only hangs precariously with the help of two naras. Chhee Chhee, she even wears saris with the tricolor near her feet. She is party to this conspiracy by those lady-like fashion designers who want women to give up on petticoat under the sari. They want the women to wear navel-baring saris, with the pallu barely covering the blouse.

And look at those blouses like bras belittling the breast watchers. These fashion designers, I tell you, want the men to start wearing ghaghras and cholis. Next they will want the men to wear make up and braid their hair. Abhishek Bachchan is already wearing the hair band in his hair. No wonder people call him Aishwarya Rai’s driver. He must realize he is leading the young boys of the country to become women of the future.

Our mards do not say a word, but they are secretly looking at the female anatomy with much delight. These women are provoking men with dirty thoughts to be replayed in the bathroom while ‘exercising’. This is all thanks to the strong willed western woman who shows her white skin in next-to-nothing bikinis. Our men have become slaves to such exhibition of flashing flesh. What a shame. This only shows how clinically and systematically they are castrating the men of the country to become doormats where the strong woman will clean her stiletto shoes or her platform sandals. They are all Lorena Bobbitts in disguise, and the men should keep their manhood safe from being decapitated in similar fashion.

Dirty Nari

It is all the fault of the traitor NRIs, who adopt the wicked ways of the West and come back here to corrupt our women. Marriages used to be such a modest affair in the good old sabhya times. Now look at those NRI women wearing all kinds of dresses that maul the spirit of the sari at the functions. Their hair is done in crow’s nest fashion, and their cholis leave nothing to the imagination. They wear backless blouses, indicating there is no bra to hold those portions in check. And if they are wearing the bra, they choose the ones that push the parts up high to make your eyes go as round as those things seem.

The new fangled ideas of such marauders of Indian values have now reduced the sari as a curtain, a pillow cover, a bed sheet or even a quilt cover. This is an unconscious thought process at work here, if you care enough to think deeply. When you undrape the curtain, you are subliminally raping the window. When you squeeze the cushion, you are squashing a sari in subconscious erotica.

Sari Hamari Nari

In the 60’s, they invented the mini sari, worn by modern actresses of that time like Saira Banu and Mumtaz. The mini sari was the new mini skirt of those times. It was as shameful as the saris of today. The mini sari threatened to make a comeback some years ago; thankfully people had some sense to dismiss them as a joke. As if the saris of today are not revealing much, the mini sari threatened to show beefy legs to light the fire of lusty Indian men. The death of such a trend only shows that all is not lost.

Sari must be the sari it has always been. If you want to learn how to wear a sari, your grand mother should help you. If you are very modern woman, you can learn it over Internet (thank God, there are some positive things about this menace) here. Mind you, you must learn the expression of the happy model on this site. It shows how happy you are wearing the sari. Also, keep your petticoat above the love handles to hide possible embarrassment, and cover the naughty navel.
 

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