After ten days in Dwarka, I have begun to like the place. On the first day here itself, we discovered the Shahi Biryani Corner. Limited menu, but excellent biryani - that’s Shahi Biryani Center in a nutshell.

There is only an old man, who has a happy face and a flair for urdu, and a boy at the little shop. The menu goes thus:

Vegetable biryani

Chicken biryani

Chicken Korma

Mutton Biryani

Mutton Korma

Shahi Kabab

Mutton Stud (stud? I think it is stew. But then, it tastes like a very nice mutton curry, not a stew.)

And that’s about it.

What you would enjoy about the biryanis and kebabs is the home-cooked taste. Believe me, I am no biryani lover, or even expert. The best biryanis would not see me rhapsodizing about it. In fact, I am clueless about most menu items anywhere.

What I like here is the taste that is quite different. I think it would be a good idea to order biryani from here, call friends over, and pass it off as home-cooked biryani. I think it might work!

Location:

Shahi Biryani Center

Shop no. 10

Plot no. 12

DDA Shopping Complex

Post Office Market

Sector 6, Dwarka, New Delhi

You can get your biryanis home delivered too, in most places in Dwarka. The numbers on which you can place your order are 9811661578, 9350141358.

If you are in Dwarka or anywhere nearby, I strongly suggest you try out his stuff. It is not everyday that I set about evengelising about food, you see.

Happy eating!

When I decided to move out of the house I stay on rent in Green Park, New Delhi - I wanted to check out property options in both Dwarka and South Delhi. Dwarka, because I like the atmosphere there - it is quite a bit like Sanpada, Navi Mumbai. Trees lining good roads, apartments, not too crowded. South Delhi, because old South Delhi houses are spacious, well-built, airy… and you are in South Delhi with easy access to all parts of Delhi.

So I started house-hunting in both Dwarka and South Delhi simultaneously.

And that is when I came face to face with the monster called Company Lease.

It seems every landlord wants only tenants with company lease. No one is willing to give a house to you on rent, if you are self-employed, as I am.

Reasons varied. To begin with, people are comfortable with someone who has a steady job. They understand each other, what they do, they know these people can pay the rent. It might be possible to convince them that I am a safe peaceful Southie who will sit at home and work away at the computer.

But for that, you have to meet the landlord first. Landlords have told the real estate agents that they are looking only at company leases. That means your first obstruction if the real estate agent, both in Dwarka and in South Delhi. When put through that filter, you will find that 90 % or more of houses are available to you on rent. You are stuck with the remaining 10 per cent, most of which you don’t like doe to some problem or the other.

Sometimes, the landlord lives in the same house. Recipe for disaster if it is an interfering landlord. Or even if it is a happy landlord who wants to treat you as a surrogate family.

The landlords we met in both Dwarka and South Delhi had their own issues. Their sons told them not to give it to anyone on personal lease.

The real estate agents were not able to explain what we did for a living to the landlords. This was a bigger problem in Dwarka - it is more a middle class place, and the brokers barely understand the word ‘internet’. They tell the landlord that “this couple is working in the media”. The landlord thinks its some newspaper, and when he finds that it is not, backs out.

Anyway finally we settle on Dwarka. We meet several real estate agents who show us around the rental properties available in Dwarka.

After meeting several brokers who just could not understand the quality of construction, interior and society we were looking for, we met one real estate agent - an English-speaking one - who showed us a flat in Sector 6, Dwarka. It was the second - best we had seen so far. But it had an airy and spacious living room, 4 balconies - and that is what we settled on.

Here, the landlord was supremely unconcerned about us. He was some who was happy to trust the real estate agent with the entire business. He was quite powerful in the society, so obviously, knew we poor southies are not going to be a problem for him if he wanted to get rid of us, or we become a pain. True.

So we move to Dwarka. Hopefully, I will get some partner to play some badminton in the mornings.

So here’s is to the Dwarka life. Further reports after I settle down there!

And now another friend wants to try out badminton at Siri Fort Sports Complex. Why not. Badminton racket weighs less than a tennis racket, it can only be easier!

So away we went, through what some people call a rain in Delhi. A dozen droplets, approximately, keep falling on the windshield every 2 minutes. That’s torrential rain here. Generally people in Delhi blow a fuse and drive in such a fashion that their movement can only be described in terms of quantum physics. Newtonian physics doesn’t explain their driving at all.

Anyway we found the Siri Fort complex - it was bloody 2 minutes from home! So my friend and I both have this sprawling sports complex so big that just walking around it looking at all the courts and buildings would get rid of our potbellies - and we never even went there. We should be ashamed of ourselves. But friend should be ashamed of himself much, much more indeed. He’s the delhiite, I am not. Shame on you, you big fat slob!

So we found the indoor court and he talked to the couple of employees sitting at the counter. The complex’s indoor badminton courts have wooden flooring - they asked me to show them the soles of my shoe. Thankfully, the aging cheapo shoes have a flat bottom. Yay! No such luck for my lazy, fat friend - he has that macho sole on his shoes - but he is okay with playing barefooted.

That is when I see the white t-shirt and white shorts next to me. There was a man inside them, obviously. Tall. Moustache. He told the employee that he has a court booked. The employee asked him if he was a member of the Sports Complex. The white shorts and white t-shirt did not like it at all. He stared down at the employee. I am a founder member of the Siri Fort Sports Complex, ha! Do you know what a founder member is? Nope-nope, the employee shook his head in bewilderment. The Founder Member, Siri Fort Sports Complex looked about proudly having established who he is, and went away.

Way to go, Siri Fort Sports Complex Founder Member! It was the highlight of my one and a half years in Delhi. I have met so few founder members in my life of anything. Yea I can say my dad is the founder member of our family and all - but the Munjanattu family in the back alleys of Kerala compares not to the Siri Fort Sports Complex. I met the man who is something like a Jawahar Lal Nehru and Mahatma Gandhi of Siri Fort Sports Complex! The Lenin of indoor badminton courts! Rich is my life.

Surviving? Yes.

Driving in Delhi makes you want to blog. For those of you who have the writer’s block, go ahead and drive in Delhi. There is no way you can resist the temptation to blog if you do.

What most of Delhi prefers to do is to fly into a massive episode road rage. But we bloggers, we are more evolved - and we can blog while the rest of Delhi can only froth at their mouth and kill someone. Yay.

My last post here was a few months back. I posed a question to all my non-existent readers: Are there more idiots in Delhi than other cities? No one bothered to reply - I think everyone was out driving.

Anyway, last week something else happened here that further strengthened that notion. A couple in a Chevrolet Optra (You know, upper middle class, employed, statuswale couple) bumped into an Indica (lower class car, in case you don’t know) which had four guys inside (and at least one was drunk).

And so there was the normal Dilli muscle-flexing, and the Optra driver took flight. The Indica chased them. So focused were the Indicawale on the thrill of the chase that they did not notice the upper-class, high IQ couple had driven straight into the Greater Kailash police station compound. The Indica followed inside, gleeful that the Optra-couple was trapped inside. They jumped out and surrounded the Optra.

Dilli cops’ slogan goes - with you, for you, everywhere. Within the police station premises, they definitely were.

Moral of the story?

1: Yes, there are more idiots in Dilli. And it follows that no law can stop the idiot-criminal. He has to be able to comprehend that crime would him get into trouble, right?

2: More expensive cars may contain higher-IQ people. Do not mess with such cars.

That’s what you want to tell me. I know. But what if it really is the truth?

I find myself considering this possibility every time I read about the everyday crimes in Delhi. Today morning, the same news story was splashed across every paper - brother and sister beaten up in incident of road rage.

But we know what it is. Two guys in a WagonR did not like a girl behind them honking a horn, and asking them to get out of the way. That is not road rage, that is simple Delhi male machismo.

But you know, even evil macho guys have to be ’successful’ to be called macho!

These guys jumped out with baseball bats, hit the brother, hit the car, pulled the girl, did a lot more all that again, and then chased the brother and sister as they tried to escape, got their own car banged, and finally they did something absolutely macho - they got scared seeing the blood on the brother’s face, and ran away, leaving their car behind! HAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!

Like Borat would say, I like.

I mean, what kind of idiot would do that?

Your ego is hurt, you beat up someone, and then you lose your car and run away and the cops are after you!

So how can I say that this means there are more idiots in Delhi?

Because you know, normally, criminals are nasty characters. They are tough, they are violent, but they are also successful. They know what they are doing, and call hand out a nice beating and vanish if needed - but they usually do not jump out in a rage and then run away leaving their car. That, my friend, is the work of an idiot. Like these two guys here.

And everytime I read about some crime in Delhi, I am struck by the awesome stupidity of the criminal. Like getting caught sometimes right there, sometimes in a day or two. Sometimes just kidnapping someone, and getting caught pretty quickly. Often panicking and killing the kidnapped and making it worse for everyone. Or raping someone because the idea suddenly entered their pea-brains, and then getting arrested the very next day.

You know, you expect nastiness and even mindless violence from criminals. But not idiocy.

Living in Delhi for one year, I am still surprised by the general mindlessness of the place. The zero-thinking behind almost everything. It is like the entire place runs on some primal instinct which predates rational thought in humans!

Hey, don’t think I hate the city. Most of the time, that mindlessness keeps me amused.

Back to criminals. You know, you can generally have better policing and better conviction rates and harsher punishments, but if the potential criminal does not have a brain to understand that he will be in a police lockup within 24 hours, what is the point?!

What use are deterrents to crime, when criminals are idiots too! They have to get it, you know. An idiot can’t think, can’t feel fear. How is anyone going to scare them away from crimes!

Cop vehicle comes by and stops right by them. As cops normally do in movies and less in real life, they jump out and grab the assailants. They seem only too willing, going with the cops with sweet smiles on their faces. At the police station, they explain that the car was trying to overtake their Scorpio - so they obviously had to beat him up.

WTF?

No WTF, according to my Northie pal. He says we Mumbaikars and Southies won’t get it. Cos in the North, and especially in Delhi, a car is not just a car. It is a person, an expression of your ego in steel, it is a family member - and woe to he who dares slight his vehicle!

Now it makes sense. A person here gets into his car to tell the world who he is. See, I am a Ford Endeavour owner - look at the size of my SUV! Or, I have a Civic, an amriki / japani upmarket car - gimme respect!

When it is not offered to him, he gets pissed. And your life is in danger.

The same thing works for almost everyone. Wondered why the Delhi driver accelerates even when there is only barely 50 kilometers of road left in front of him? Because he wants you to see his gaddi roar, and stare in awe. He would brake hard - cos the squealing brakes will startle you, and you will adore his steed.

According to Northie pal, wives are embarrassed by hubbies who drive slowly. “Gaadi chala rahe ho ya rickshaw,?” they would ask contemptuously and the insulted mard would speed up and race around. Status is restoried, and biwi is at peace.

And the blueline bus drivers. Look at the poor drivers. He is really poor - desperate, working hard - and his one source of pride is the big metal vehicle he commands. He gets rogered by the cops, the contractors, owners, and the owners of expensive cars on the streets. And then the idiot two wheeler driver cuts across his lane. Hehehe. He will brake just a second later than safe - to scare the stupid rider out of his wits, and put him in his place. And sometimes the rider is stupider than he thought, and comes under his wheels. His mistake.

Noticed the writing on the blueline buses?

• Matak Mat, Patak Doongi - Don’t bump and shove, wil flatten your arse.
• Tau ki Fauj, Karegi Mauj - my uncle’s army you fool, I will have my celebration

And more.. perhaps some reader can add more to this.

So got it, dude? Safety is for wimps - when cops enforce rules, not just the blueline driver, but entire Delhi complains in one voice, “namard bana diya yaar” (I have been made impotent!)

So don’t mess with the studs and their steeds. Stay out, stay safe. After all, if you read this, you are likely to be a wimp like me!