Going Nuts

Been in Delhi for one and a half years. I play tennis on some Sundays, when the fancy strikes me and a friend. We play real bad tennis.

And now another friend wants to try out badminton at Siri Fort Sports Complex. Why not. Badminton racket weighs less than a tennis racket, it can only be easier!

So away we went, through what some people call a rain in Delhi. A dozen droplets, approximately, keep falling on the windshield every 2 minutes. That’s torrential rain here. Generally people in Delhi blow a fuse and drive in such a fashion that their movement can only be described in terms of quantum physics. Newtonian physics doesn’t explain their driving at all.

Anyway we found the Siri Fort complex - it was bloody 2 minutes from home! So my friend and I both have this sprawling sports complex so big that just walking around it looking at all the courts and buildings would get rid of our potbellies - and we never even went there. We should be ashamed of ourselves. But friend should be ashamed of himself much, much more indeed. He’s the delhiite, I am not. Shame on you, you big fat slob!

So we found the indoor court and he talked to the couple of employees sitting at the counter. The complex’s indoor badminton courts have wooden flooring - they asked me to show them the soles of my shoe. Thankfully, the aging cheapo shoes have a flat bottom. Yay! No such luck for my lazy, fat friend - he has that macho sole on his shoes - but he is okay with playing barefooted.

That is when I see the white t-shirt and white shorts next to me. There was a man inside them, obviously. Tall. Moustache. He told the employee that he has a court booked. The employee asked him if he was a member of the Sports Complex. The white shorts and white t-shirt did not like it at all. He stared down at the employee. I am a founder member of the Siri Fort Sports Complex, ha! Do you know what a founder member is? Nope-nope, the employee shook his head in bewilderment. The Founder Member, Siri Fort Sports Complex looked about proudly having established who he is, and went away.

Way to go, Siri Fort Sports Complex Founder Member! It was the highlight of my one and a half years in Delhi. I have met so few founder members in my life of anything. Yea I can say my dad is the founder member of our family and all - but the Munjanattu family in the back alleys of Kerala compares not to the Siri Fort Sports Complex. I met the man who is something like a Jawahar Lal Nehru and Mahatma Gandhi of Siri Fort Sports Complex! The Lenin of indoor badminton courts! Rich is my life.

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Filed under: delhi

Had heard about the blogathon, and never really knew what it meant. But then I noticed the topic on the blogathon India site, and found this topic - Is Bollywood overshadowing Regional Cinema?

Hey, this is good. I’ve always had a problem with this overshadowing business.

Basically there are many things that keep overshadowing me, since my childhood. When I focused on my books in school, the smart kids who did not bother but went about developing a personality overshadowed me. When I tried sports, I was overshadowed there too. When I were younger, I was overshadowed by the older ones. Now that I am older, the young overshadow me. When I think hey, I am doing good with Google money and stuff, Amit Agarwal overshadows me. The techies overshadow me every moment of my waking life. This overshadowing has to stop!

It is teh evil, fo sho.

Where were we? Yes, Bollywood. They do this too. Good Golly, miss Bolly - you can’t do that. Regional cinema is the sacred cow. No overshadowing it, please. Go overshadow French Cinema if you please. Hollywood already does that? Oh, go find someone else to overshadow, goddammit.

Last time I went home, I noticed this. In my own God’s own mallu land, Tamil Cinema is overshadowing Malayalam movies. Malayalam movies look like Tamil movies now. There are all those cute college romances, and dancing nymphets and superhero-style background music. A definite case of overshadowing.

Intra-regional overshadowing is probably fine, however. For example, Malayalam reality shows are overshadowing discussions on Pablo Neruda, or the proletarian revolution that is just around the corner. The few marxists I met this time were bitterly complaining about capitalism overshadowing communism. Chinese communism has been totally and unfairly overshadowed by capitalism, they said. They were thankful that Chinese dictatorship has not been humiliated thus, though.

Communists manage to do a bit of overshadowing themselves, too. For example, that shadow you see in Manmohan SIngh’s eyes - thats a reddish commie overshadow. And the 5 o’clock shadow on Kapil SIbal’s face is really a commie undershadow - a close cousin of the overshadow.

I tried talking about the unfairness of it all to Rohit Malik, my dear Punjabi friend. I complained bitterly about the salwar -kameez overshadowing our nice malayali half-sarees. He stood up, came close to me, stared down and advised, “Tell them to take off all the salwar-kameezes.” Not practical, Rohit. There are no half-sarees in Kerala Apparels anymore - it is not right to take off salwar-kameez without finding a replacement. I felt distinctly overshadowed this time by Malik.

Dear friend and Mumbaikar Beloseji had landed up the other day - and was pretty unhappy about how traces of traditional Marathi culture was being erased from Mumbai streets. I could sympathise, but he rejected my sympathy, so I pretended I never offered it.

Seems Bhojpuri movies are now overshadowing Marathi movies in Mumbai. MNS tried to stop some Bhojpuri movie shows in Mumbai, but quickly realised that Bhojpuri movie industry has a lot of Marathi technicians and quickly backed off. The Maharashtrian workers at the Bhojpuri cinema halls in Mumbai explained that if the movie shows are stopped, the shadows would fall on their households, and MNS was nice enough to give them an ear.

Marathi libraries too are disappearing - that is what happens if you allow overshadowing to continue. You cease to exist. So the libraries have gone. So have the Maharashtrians who used to peruse them - they have all gone over to the land of insecure people, USA. By the way, USA is where the greatest overshadower of them all comes from - Hollywood.

I don’t like all this. But I guess one should join the winning side. But every winning side seems to have someone else overshadowing them. Dog trainers often say that if you don’t know what to do, your dog will consider himself the lead dog, the top dog. So basically even a dog can overshadow you.

Cruel, cruel world.

Technorati tag: blogathonindia, blogathonindia1

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Filed under: Culture Bulture

It seems the Scarlett Keeling rape and murder is finally having an impact on Goa. Goans, cops, politicians and even the tourists and learning some lessons for sure. Unfortunately, most of those lessons are wrong.

I am going to start this at the beginning - so if you are impatient, or possess a high IQ which most of my target audience lack, don’t bother. If you are smart, you already know what I am going to say. If you are not, you won’t get it even if you read it.

Have I successfully insulted you yet? Good.

WHO WAS RIGHT, WHO WAS WRONG.

There was a rape and murder. the murdered girl’s mother insisted it was a sexual assault and murder. The cops said not so. They insisted it was an accidental death.

Police, you were bloody wrong. You either knew the truth and hid it, or you were clueless, incompetent and corrupt and did not even bother to investigate. You fucked up the autopsy, you let one third-rate cop screw you from the rear while your ministers insisted to the media that it could be nothing but an accident.

You were wrong. Accept that. Ask for forgiveness from the girl’s mother and from the people of Goa you were trying to fool. Say you were talking through your arse when you were making those statements. Strip and get into the waters of Anjuna beach at 3 am when Scarlett Keeling was raped and killed and let the little marine life graw at your testicles. You deserve it. You. Are. Vermin.

TRUST FIONA MACKEOWN MORE THAN GOA MINISTERS

The girl’s mother - Fiona MacKeown might be irresponsible. She displayed remarkable idiocy when she left Scarlett along in Goa and went to Karnataka.

She might be idiotic, but you the cops and politicians were wrong at best, and deliberate liars and accomplices to murder at worst. You come off worse in any comparison.

So when Fiona MacKeown says the home minister and cops are hand-in-hand with the drug mafia - you know what - we believe her.

When you say that she might be investigated for negligence, it only shows your fear and insecurity. Maybe you just fear the bad publicity. But maybe you really have something nasty in your cupboards. We prefer to trust Fiona.

When you say that Scarlett’s mother should not be allowed to stay in India and her visa should not be extended, we see naked fear.

Digamber Kamat is the chief minister of Goa. He has attacked Fiona McKeown several times in his statements. Same goes for Ravi Naik, Goa’s home minister.

WHAT IS GOA GOVT AFRAID OF?

They were in the wrong - their police force was caught lying. But not any anger directed at the cops. No statements about how beautifully the Goa police ***ked up investigations. Nothing about how they were caught in their cover up. Such things happen, let’s first kick the evil mother out, right?

But the nastiest words they have are reserved for Scarlett’s mother. What are you afraid of, Goa’s rulers? Are you afraid of this murder becoming such a big issue that it will affect Goa’s tourism? Are you afraid that people would believe Fiona McKeown’s statements about your involvement with the Goa underworld?

Digamber Kamat had to give a briefing to the prime minister.After that this is Goa’s chief minister said:

“I appeal to all tourists coming to Goa that it is the safest place and Goans are nice people,” he told reporters after a meeting with Singh where Goa MPs Shantaram Naik and Francisco Sardinha were also present.

You know what, Digamberji? Goans may be nice, but with all the drugs and murders and sexual assaults, it is definitely not as safe as foreigners and most Indians think it is. Sure, it might be relatively better than many parts of India - but you do not have a safe state when there are regular rapes and murders happening. That is what your beautiful little state is now.

CUT OFF THE BRANCH YOU ARE SITTING ON.

That is the first part. So what is going on now - how is Goa going about fixing its problems?

North Goa’s SP, Bosco George, said that police will be more stringent in implementing existing rules from henceforth. Beach shacks, which used to be open all night, will now close down by midnight, and no loud music will be allowed after 11 pm. Patrolling of the beaches has also been increased.

Wow. This is what is going to fix Goa’s problems?

Goa has had a drug problem for a long time. Goa’s police knows exactly what to do, who the drug mafia are, which politicians are in cahoots with them, where they operate from.

You can be sure that the beach shacks where drugs are easily available are not going to be the ones affected by the midnight closure. It will be nice Goans who are making a living who will be affected.

No loud music will be allowed. Loud music raped Scarlett Keeling, Kamath? Has it happened before in Goa? Beach shacks have been drugging tourists?

I suspect this is the end of the glory days of Goa. Good. All good things come to an end.

And hey Goans, you can do a few things if you don’t want that.

1. Stop talking about tourists appreciating your local culture. No one comes to Goa to appreciate Konkani culture. You guys are nice. Fine. We like you. But Goa is not about your culture, it has never been so. Are you going to say no to tourists if they come and strip naked on your beaches? Of course not. You need the money, you need the money, na na na na naa naaa. Got a problem with that, get your government to publish notices in all newspapers that those tourists who do not appreciate Goan culture are not welcome in Goa. To the culture vultures, do that if you have the balls.

2. Stop the stupid ban on music and beach shacks. Put more cops on the beaches and streets instead. You know which beaches, which streets. Put up lights. I have been on Goa’s beaches at night - there is not a soul in sight, and it is easy for a rapist or murderer. The sea will even down out the screams. You have a tourist state, so do things that are tourist-friendly.

3. Come on Goans, you know how many of the ministers, MPs and MLAs are corrupt. You have been electing these cartoons again and again. Teach them a lesson.

Get your law and order right, and make the place even more tourist-friendly than it is. You can’t do it, so now is the time to stand counting down to the inevitable decline of Goa. If what Goa deserves is a nasty reputation, and if Goans are unwilling to deal with the politicians and cops who are accomplices, I’ll be happy to see Goa the tourist paradise die. I don’t think most Goans want that. But if that is true and most Goans prefer to have their local culture and not make it a great spot for the non-druggie tourist, I think we all should leave Goa to Goans and get the hell out.

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Filed under: crime

Come on, how can anyone say that!

That’s what you want to tell me. I know. But what if it really is the truth?

I find myself considering this possibility every time I read about the everyday crimes in Delhi. Today morning, the same news story was splashed across every paper - brother and sister beaten up in incident of road rage.

But we know what it is. Two guys in a WagonR did not like a girl behind them honking a horn, and asking them to get out of the way. That is not road rage, that is simple Delhi male machismo.

But you know, even evil macho guys have to be ’successful’ to be called macho!

These guys jumped out with baseball bats, hit the brother, hit the car, pulled the girl, did a lot more all that again, and then chased the brother and sister as they tried to escape, got their own car banged, and finally they did something absolutely macho - they got scared seeing the blood on the brother’s face, and ran away, leaving their car behind! HAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!

Like Borat would say, I like.

I mean, what kind of idiot would do that?

Your ego is hurt, you beat up someone, and then you lose your car and run away and the cops are after you!

So how can I say that this means there are more idiots in Delhi?

Because you know, normally, criminals are nasty characters. They are tough, they are violent, but they are also successful. They know what they are doing, and call hand out a nice beating and vanish if needed - but they usually do not jump out in a rage and then run away leaving their car. That, my friend, is the work of an idiot. Like these two guys here.

And everytime I read about some crime in Delhi, I am struck by the awesome stupidity of the criminal. Like getting caught sometimes right there, sometimes in a day or two. Sometimes just kidnapping someone, and getting caught pretty quickly. Often panicking and killing the kidnapped and making it worse for everyone. Or raping someone because the idea suddenly entered their pea-brains, and then getting arrested the very next day.

You know, you expect nastiness and even mindless violence from criminals. But not idiocy.

Living in Delhi for one year, I am still surprised by the general mindlessness of the place. The zero-thinking behind almost everything. It is like the entire place runs on some primal instinct which predates rational thought in humans!

Hey, don’t think I hate the city. Most of the time, that mindlessness keeps me amused.

Back to criminals. You know, you can generally have better policing and better conviction rates and harsher punishments, but if the potential criminal does not have a brain to understand that he will be in a police lockup within 24 hours, what is the point?!

What use are deterrents to crime, when criminals are idiots too! They have to get it, you know. An idiot can’t think, can’t feel fear. How is anyone going to scare them away from crimes!

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Filed under: delhi

Wish I could do something like this on Indian streets! Though we do not have anything as well-known as a Darth Vader, I think…

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Filed under: Uncategorized