Review: Please, don’t go

I shamefully admit that I was waiting for this movie to release. Since the last two months, the promos had been flooding the channels and cinema halls, and I was dying to see it. No, I was not intrigued, I was not even excited. I am a self-confessed lover of B movies. I mean, I am the guy who can sit through movies like Himmatwaala, Tehelka, and Jhoom barabar Jhoom, and still ask for seconds.

I wasn’t even expecting explosive performances from newcomer Gautam Gupta and the RGV current muse Nisha Kothari. I swear I was not. I was convinced that this is going to be a marvelous experience, and there would be many unintended-funny scenes. I was horribly wrong: this was too much even for a guy like me, and I wanted myself to be teleported to some safe place before ‘zee Germans’ caught me. No such thing happened, and I had to sit through the ordeal. Anyway, here’s the story:

Abhay Narula (Gautam Gupta- with a noticeable squint in one of the eyes, narrow shoulders, muscles pumped up to the point of bursting, looking like a habitual groper) is the college going son of wealthy parents (we never see the college though), who drives a red bike, and is in love with Vasundhara Dave (Nisha Kothari- she should consider getting her mouth stitched permanently; or investing in a muzzle. She has the squeakiest voice mankind has ever known). Apart from that, our hero has no qualifications, or super powers, apart from forgetting to button up the shirt, or taking it off completely. The heroine too, is blessed with the same super power.

On a different tangent, Arjun Patil (Ravi Kale – who has given superb performances in both Khaki and Sarkar. Sadly, he is a parody of himself here) is a corrupt politician (wow, original) who plots to kill the coalition leader (Govind Namdeo, his regular, boring self). Mr. Patil has a long-haired-ugly-as-hell-right hand man called Ranganathan (Shreeveer Vakil – from James, VERY BAD, though unintentionally funny) to whom he gives the supari.

Ranganathan kills the leader, and all is well. Except that Mr. Patil’s PA Mr. Bihari has recorded the part where Mr. Patil was giving the killing orders (in a cassette, no less), and now wants rupees ten crores. Mr. Patil agrees to pay up, and sends Mr. Ranganathan along with the money. Mr. Ranganathan is not very happy with this deal, and decides to kill Mr. Bihari and keep the money for himself. Oops.

In the meanwhile, our lovers decide to run away to Goa since Vasundhara’s evil mom has decided to marry her off. So, they get onto the hero’s red bike, and off they go to Goa. Only that the red bike runs out of petrol, and they are stranded in the middle of nowhere. Enter a wounded Mr. Bihari in a silver car, who was shot at by Mr. Ranganathan, and now is himself running off to Goa. Mr. Wounded man gives our lovers a lift, slinks in the back seat, and dribbles and sleeps like a baby. On the way to Goa, our hero runs into a bunch of lusty truck-drivers, beats the hell out of them, accidentally burns down the dhaba they were eating at, and runs like hell thereafter.

Silver car is chased by an angry army of truck-drivers (in their trucks of course), slammed at, and finally turned over during a miscalculated swipe. Just before the accident, Mr. Bihari dribbles some more on Vasundhara’s shoulders and on the seats, and dies. Of course, the incriminating tape is inside Ms. Vasundhara’s Walkman (one of the last remaining walkmans in Mumbai. WHO uses them these days?)

Enter Nagesh Rao (Kay Kay Menon – dyed black hair, henna colored moustache, he has seen better days), a ruthless encounter specialist (we see one shoddily performed encounter) who is investigating the murder of the coalition leader. Soon, he discovers that our lovers are innocently involved in all this, and gets on their tails. Oh yes, there is another character called Jagtap Tiwari (Rajpal Yadav- Funny, but when is he not funny?), A.K.A MJ, a small time crook who has somehow got the idea that our lovers are a part of a big-time smuggling gang, and escapes prison to go after them in hopes of making a deal. Since everyone is on the GO to Goa, the title is aptly named.

Our lovers are in Goa and are having a gala time, and they spend the night by dancing in towels, dipping in bathtubs, singing a song, and generally embarrassing themselves in the locked room of a five star resort. Naturally, Mr. Nagesh and Mr. Ranganathan (with his own gang of ugly, long-haired-skinny goons) are hot on their trail, and catch up with them. The lovers give the goons a slip, but are caught by Mr. Nagesh. This is the time when Mr. Nagesh accidentally finds the tape, realizes there is big money to be made, and smartens up.

Our hero, sensing trouble gives him the finger with the help of MJ, and hauls ass. They listen to the tape, but don’t realize it is the voice of the Chief Minister himself. The hero decides to deliver the tape to the CM himself, since the Police people are corrupt too. It is only towards the end that he realizes that the CM is a bad guy himself, plays hide and seek with the CM, Mr. Ranganathan and Mr. Nagesh, and hands the tape over to the good guys. End of story.

I am tired, can I go now?

Go is a skewed movie. Ok, I knew it would be, even before I went to actually see it. But the fact that I am a big disaster-movie fan, and a big idiot, pushed me towards the theatre. Not only I was appalled, my faith in B movies took a big hit too.

This is Gautam Gupta’s first and last movie as a hero. True, people said the same thing about Mohit Ahalawat (from James) but he went on to do TWO movies with The Factory (AND he had a female following). Mr. Gautam here, has nothing to offer, except his below-average looks, a squint or two, and non-existent biceps. Truth be told, he actually looks like something, which the cat dragged in, and the skunk fell in love with. Still, he appears convinced of his acting prowess throughout the movie. I doubt if they will even cast him in Bullet- ek dhamaka II.

I am not even bothering to comment on Nisha Kothari, who does nothing but act her age; which is to say that she looks underage, and wears less clothes than she should. Kay Kay Menon overacts, and gives us nothing. The only saving grace, if any, is Rajpal Yadav, who is naturally funny, though sometimes on the verge of being cheap.

Go has nothing going for it. Although it has everything in it– Songs, Action, Drama, and comedy; the only thing missing here is the script. No wait, the cinematography, direction, and dialogues too. RGV productions are getting from bad to worse, with each new movie they produce. The movie is riddled with continuation issues, time lapses, and silly mistakes. I mean, even a guy equipped a mobile phone and an adequate memory card can make something much, much better than this. This is the third disaster I have watched in two months, and I don’t need any more convincing than that. What I do need though, is a strong dose of Novocain, and some trauma therapy.

‘nuff said.