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Review: Ram Gopal Varma Ki Saag
1 September, 2007 BY SHUBIR RISHI Warning: Spoilers inside (Like you care!)
I understand RGV’s penchant for low-angled cameras, dark settings, and a subtle style of storytelling. I really do. I also understand that the original Sholay is one of his favorite films (apparently one of the movies which launched him to where he is today, which is to say nowhere), and his passion for pretty, petite, and busty heroines with sharp canines and scowls (Urmila Matondkar, Antara Mali, and now Nisha Kothari). All these things have worked for him
in the past (albeit on and off), but
annoyingly, it’s become repetitive,
sad, and extremely predictable. This
movie, in particular, starts with a
very sorry premise, and when it ends
(you WAIT FOR IT!) it leaves you with
a headache (migraine attack in my
case), and absolutely empty. Related: A non-Sholay-lovers take on RGV ki AAg During one of their ‘missions’, they
are arrested by a law-abiding Police
Inspector Narasimha (Mohanlal) –
surprisingly agile for his size, with
a thick The dialogues go something like this: Narasimha: Why does your master pay you so much money? Raj/Hero: How do we know? We don’t care anyway. He can afford to. Narasimha: What are your qualifications? Are you educated? Raj/Hero: Why are you asking this? Let us go. Narasimha: Did you know your boss is a gangster with a zillion murder cases on him? Raj/Hero: (Stunned silence, quick exchange of meaningful glances, dumbfounded looks) I mean, WTF? These two guys are
supposedly street smart for crying out
loud, they are petty thieves or
whatnot, and they don’t KNOW they are
working for a gangster? Come the #$%^
on!!!
Anyway, Babban has an eye on Kaliganj, because its prime land (sea-facing, you see) and he generally is a greedy guy. Goons are dispatched to the local Pradhan, but our deadly duo beats the crap out of them, and sends them back. What follows next is a pathetic rendition of the famous “kitney aadmi the” scene from Sholay. I will recommend you carry a rubber squeeze toy with you, because you’ll want to hurt someone bad, but will end up making deep gashes in your own arm, since you realize everyone else in the cinema hall is as tortured as you are. Of course, Babban shoots the beat-up goons, turns around, and comes up with another gem “Diwali kab hai? Kab hai Diwali?" Copy paste the Holi scene from Sholay. Only, the goons have rocket launchers and AK47s, in place of the more humble Lee Enfield 303s. Yes, it does show Hero firing with a Steyr Scout sniper rifle at close range, which makes this scene different. Yes, they kill a few crooks, beat the pulp out of a few more, but Babban manages to escape more or less unhurt. The entire sequence is studio-based and leaves you with no emotion. You just wait for it to end and get on with the next scene. Very unlike the original, which had many Oh-hell-what-now? moments. Babban is mad as a hatter, but declares a fatwa over anyone who comes out of Kaliganj. Here, I’d like to ask Mr. RGV the following questions: 1. Where exactly is Kaliganj? Is it an island? If so, how does Ghungroo make a living? She drives an auto-rickshaw for heaven’s sake! 2. For that matter, what do the Kaliganj junta do for a living? Do they have regular jobs like the rest of the people in Mumbai? Is Kaliganj a self-sustained province? If so, WHY are the people poor? 3. Where is the Police chowky? If none exists, how is that possible? Anyway, copy-paste again from Sholay. Gangly son of blind, old man (played by Gaurav Kapur and Virendra Saxena respectively) is picked up and killed when he leaves Kaliganj limits, and his dead body returned with a cryptic note: I am not Gandhi (!?) Babban wants the locals to hand-over
the deadly duo. A heated and endless
argument ensues. They come up with a
plan -- Babban’s sidekick Ghungroo is abducted, and Hero (he is
her lover, and they have sung two
songs, done the ‘suicide’ routine
already, but its not worth mentioning)
follows blindly. Hero is caught and
chained. Raj comes to the rescue,
kills half the gang, almost kills
Babban, but misses and gets totaled.
In a fit of
Ajay Devgan is a disappointment. He
should really realize that he is not
cut out for slapstick. Plus, he needs
to cover his midriff, like he used to
earlier. If indeed RGV needs to make another remake--this is his second, the first one being Shiva, which was a remake of James, which was a remake of the Nagarjuna-starrer Shiva, which had also been made by RGV--there are millions to pick from. Why not make a Manoj Kumar remake, for instance? I can go on and on and on, citing examples of bad movies with good concepts, but that’s not the point. Leave the classics ALONE!
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Man,
this movie was touted as ‘Movie of the
Year’, a ‘Remake of a masterpiece by a
Master Craftsman,’ and God knows what
not. Hell, I was waiting for this
movie for a better part of the last
six months. I even skipped work today
to watch it, fought at the ticket
counter, and almost got a tummy tonsil
(ulcer) in anticipation till the movie
started. I even liked the opening
credits---the part where they show the
star cast with cool graphics---but
those ended soon, and all my fears
came true. 
So here we go: Raj (Prashant Raj –
good voice but no modulation
whatsoever, funky hairdo, NOT beefy,
but really DEAD eyes) and Hero (Ajay
Devgan – someone please tell him that
he looks like a eunuch with those
highlights, and slapstick comedy is
not his forte) are two guys (I say
guys here because their professions
are more or less left to our
imagination, and if ever they
discussed it in the movie, it was in a
mumble. So we assume that these are
small time crooks) who come to Mumbai
looking for a job, and end up working
for a gangster for a large sum of
money.
land, and find Inspector Narasimha
(Now ex-Inspector Narasimha) waiting
for them in a dirty tattered kurta
pyjama and an unkempt beard. He has
lost not his arms, but his fingers
(unlike Sholay, how original!) He has
a 
It is of course a run down, filthy
looking basti we have seen in
countless movies from the eighties. To
cut a long story short, they are given
B&B at the Inspector’s house. We meet
to Devi Ji (Sushmita Sen – she of the
doped-on-two-valium face) clad in
black something with big puffy eyes. 
Amitabh Bachchan does a good job, not a
shiver-down-your-spine job like Aks
but definitely watchable. He stands
out in almost every scene he comes in
– he plays with the camera, looks
straight at you, spits on the floor,
does a half-menacing laugh, his smile
becomes a snigger, and goes dead-pan
the very next minute. The entire getup
suits him, and you wonder why doesn’t
he do more negative roles. A delight
to watch, when he is not mumbling his
lines, which he does in a few scenes.
Still, he simply cannot save the movie
on his own. 