Bho-Bekar

A couple of couples came, and sat themselves on the plush sofas, occasionally glancing in the general direction of nowhere. I was still not relieved; I had hoped that they'd go see "Partner" running in the adjoining screen; they just didn't look the "Bow Barracks" type. A few more minutes later, I bought myself the expensive popcorn, and the overpriced Pepsi, and waited patiently with both my hands full. No more phone for me.

Finally, the show ended, and the doors were thrown open. I braced myself for the excited chatter, and the hurried footsteps we associate with the first ones out after a movie show. Five people came out, sized me up, and walked away with mysterious sideways glances. I stared incredulously in the darkness. The doorman assured me the hall was empty, and I could take my seat. Uh-oh, trouble.

The film starts with a little history (in captions) about "Bow Barracks", which is actually the name of a housing society (for American troops), built after the second World war, and houses about 120 Anglo-Indian families today. The first actual shot started with two very bad actors, and an equally bad camera angle. It was almost like when you are watching a bad play, and the actors are in a hurry to get backstage - usually a case of a loose bladder, or a subdued fart. No sir; this was bad acting, through and through. Then VictorBanerjee walked into this scene, and had a conversation with Bad actor #1. The first set of dialogues went something like this:

"Hey men, ya old bugger, all set to go?"
"Ya men, finally."
"Ya men, where is that ^%#$#???"
"Stop yelling men, and stop hopping like a kangaroo ya bugger."

And so on and so forth. I counted the word men being used at least thirty eight times, and gave up concentrating on the dialogues. Thankfully, there was Anne (Neha Dubey) in the second scene, which made me sit up and take notice: I mean really notice. And I wonder why she doesn't do more movies. Anne is Tom's (Sabyasachi Chakraborty) wife, who gets beaten up every now and then by him. They have a son who cowers in fear, whenever he hears his father’s voice. In this particular scene, she is slapped around a couple of times, and lashed with a belt. Superbly executed (by the actors), and Sabyasachi looks every bit mean with his snarl, the zillion pockmarks, and Elvisque' sideburns.

Emily Lobo (Lilette Dubey) is a middle aged woman who lives with her younger grown up son, with hopes that her elder son will make arrangements, and call them to London, before Christmas. She specializes in homemade wine, and baked goods. (I failed to see HOW she does that. Not once is she seen baking or making wine.) She makes daily phone calls to London, and leaves long, emotional messages on the answering machine, literally begging. Similar scenes are repeated throughout the movie. What doesn't fit is the constant heckling by the phone-booth guy, with sentences like "Aunty, ab bandh karo apni love story". Always in the same tone. Very annoying, and cheap.

Bradley Lobo (Clayton Rogers) is Emily's younger son, who is constantly between jobs. He is idolized by Sally (Sohini Pal, not bad) his neighbour who he can't stand. He plays the guitar, and even has his own band, but is not too sure about himself, mostly because that's the way he is, and the fact that he is in a torrid relationship with Anne. Sounds risqué', but the problem here is that he looks far too young to be her lover, and looks too eager in the lovemaking scenes (and a bad kisser). The director (Anjan Dutt) apparently has seen too many French movies, for in one scene, right after the two make love, Bradley gets off the bed, with his chaddi alarmingly halfway down, the derriere' flashing right in your face. Obviously, the actor and the director had an argument about this particular scene; the actor won. Apart from one emotional outburst, Bradley is unconvincing and very annoying. Most of his words rush into one another, sounding something like this:" Ihatemylifemyworkmyfamily"

Rosa (MoonMoon Sen) is an unsatisfied/bored wife, who just wants to get out of Bow Barracks. She has a lover in the form of an ageing insurance agent, and they have hurried, sweaty nooner sessions in her home often. The director again paid special attention to these loves scenes. They are so rude, and so sudden, that they leave you with a bad taste in the mouth (Remember Rekha and Navin Nischol in Astha?) Heaving ample bosoms, sweat stains, and hanging bellies. And please, we don't want to see obese men in tight Speedos. Now I know why they said only Moon Moon could have done this role. She really, honestly, cannot act. She doesn't need to too.

Peter the cheater (Victor Banerjee) is a retired saxophonist, who is drunk most of the time, swindles people (the most common item being an 'antique' watch, every time!), and plays the saxophone every now and then. He also likes Emily and makes frequent, innocent passes at her, which are instantly shot down. Now this could have been a very interesting character, but Victor is baffling. In the first half, he hams through his lines, emphasizing on using men in every other sentence, and looks in the camera distractedly (blame partially goes to the editor). In the second half (that is, after one hour or so, as the movie had no interval), he suddenly wakes up, realizes the movie is going to the dogs, and acts like Victor Banerjee. Which is to say, he does a good job. But the sporadicity left me unmoved.

In all, Bow Barracks Forever is an unsatisfying affair. There were times when I was torn between throwing my cell-phone at the screen, violently hitting some unsuspecting viewer, bursting into uncontrollable sobbing, or simply leaving the theater. The movie is like a bunch of bright, shiny, plastic grapes. You take one in your mouth, and realize it's chewy and tasteless. Sure, the movie has its good moments. There is Rupa Ganguly who comes in only two scenes and wows with her portrayal of an abandoned wife. The mother-daughter Dubey-duo is almost flawless, and consistent. The chemistry between Lilette and Victor is very sweet (though there was only one scene). Carelessness is strewn across the movie - there is one with dialogues spoken in rapid-fire Bangla with no subtitles; there are scenes with onlookers staring at the camera (even waving once), and so on. An unsure Usha Uthup makes an unsure appearance, sings a song, and disappears. There is a murder, which has no connection to the story, and goes unexplained. With a low-budget movie like this, you expect the direction to be taut, and the dialogues smart. Annoyingly, there is lack of both, and the director relied on the clichéd usage of words like 'bugger' and 'man' (pronounced as men). Bhow-wow Barracks."

Footnote: I watched this movie with sixteen other viewers. Most of them kept disappearing throughout the movie. When I finally left, there were only three people left, and we are forming a cult-for-the-recently-mentally-damaged.