LOLcats help you die, and live

This is Oscar. He knows when you are going to die.

Oscar the cat was all over the news in July 2007. Adopted by the staff of Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center, he knows when someone is going to die. He ignores every patient but the one who will die in the next one hour, climbs on their bed, and cuddles up next to them and lies there, purring, till they die.

He is so accurate that the staff calls up the family if they see him on any patient's bed.

I remember reading about it and feeling slightly creeped out. Most of the news articles presented a more positive outlook. The cat that helps you pass away in peace - if you have dementia, and you are in the dementia unit of Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center, Rhode Island. I hope they are right, that there is a heaven, and that Oscar knows when the patients are going to die, and he is there to ease your passage in some incomprehensible way.

Here are links to some of those stories on Oscar. 1, 2, and 3.

Yes, Oscar looks serious in every photo I have seen of him on the interwebs.

But man, this cat knows someone is dying. You getting that? Use your imagination. I know you can come up with a thousand alternative scenarios here.

Hope you are a nice cat who just knows a bit more than our average pet cats, Oscar. We don't wanna mess with you.

And now on to decidedly more positive news. Not LOL positive, but bring-s-smile positive.

This here to your right is your average housecat.

He has an important function in your life too, it turns out. Maybe even more important than Oscar above. He fixes your heart.

Daily Mail today reported that cat owners have some 40 per cent less risk of suffering a heart attack.

Something is there in all that purring.

Might be that it soothes your brain. Eases your worries.

Stroke a cat, let it climb into your lap and purr away. The sound that little furry motor whirring away might be the best thing you can do for your heart.

Smoking, high BP, high cholesterol - all can increase your heart attack risk. Physical exercise can reduce it, and so can a purring cat.

So, if you are gonna smoke your lungs away and not do any exercise ever, goddammit, get an effing cat!