DWS Extra

I was in Mumbai recently, during the hard rainy season. Met Bijoy of BSMotoring (he’s a classmate from Kerala) and while we were discussing Formula One racing, he explained that he likes Fernando Alonso, the reigning world champion. Seems the hot-headed spaniard has a way of attacking corners that shows he is not afraid to take risks, and do unconventional things.

Later, while walking towards an intersection near Green Park market, I realised something else. Delhi’s drivers may not be the best in the world in road discipline or racing lines. But so what if they can’t attack a corner? They sure can attack a junction!

Let me explain how they accomplish this feat which can chill the hearts of even a Fernando Alonso if he is at the receiving end.

Before getting inside his car, every Delhi driver pats the bonnet, where in his mind’s eye, he can see his flag fluttering. His Flag. Because this is his personal chariot. And he is off to war. Once the windows are rolled up and AC is on, he shouts to himself, “Aage badho!!” The growling car and driver shoot forward, at a rate of acceleration that would put a professional test driver to shame.

His target is the junction. Any junction. He approaches a junction and wants to drive on straight ahead. Now visualise a car / scooter/ rickshaw, which is cutting across his path. A normal, sensible, wimpy driver would probably tap the brakes and slow down a wee little bit to allow the offending vehicle to pass. Not the heroic driver of Delhi. The moment he sees the vehicle cutting across, he stands on the accelerator! His car bucks up, roars and bears down on the offender accelerating further - and the poor driver inside the other vehicle, eyes popping out in sheer panic, somehow gets out of the way. The victorious driver vanishes into the distance, imaginary flag fluttering high on his bonnet.

Do not for a moment think this is an easy thing to accomplish. You need a heart of stone. After all, one mistake is all it takes, right? If the little guy is frozen in terror and is unable to move, or speeds up and crashes into some unsuspecting pedestrian, that is his fault. Not DD’s (Delhi Driver). DD never makes any mistakes. Even when he does, its not his mistake, his mama told him that, and she is never wrong too.

Okay, minor complications happen. If the offending car has a DD inside, our DD (DD1) is in for some trouble. DD1 will race towards the other DD (DD2), and when DD2 is supremely unperturbed, DD1 will stand on his brakes. What would follow then is DDA (Delhi Driver Abuse, not Delhi Development Authority). And there is always the chance that one of the two DDs end up as DDT (Delhi Driver Terminated).

This life and death game - that is what driving in Delhi is about. Memories of raths racing, chasing away invaders, being chased by marauders, battles won and lost in chariots and on horseback, are still imprinted in DD’s genes. Give way or slow down? You will not catch a DD doing that.

It’s a simple, but enormously exciting life as a DD, I must imagine. The sheer thrill of driving just a few inches away from the pedestrian’s foot! Aaaah! Scaring the daylights out of the woman in the Maruti Alto - Oooh!

Now you know why Delhiites do not like life in Mumbai. After such thrills, what is the big deal about hanging out of a second class dabba in a Western Line local train, or never drinking from the plastic cup in your left hand while the right hand holds the steering wheel? Because, they are all DDs, today or tomorrow! To him, it must seem like the only people who have any fun in Mumbai are the bhais, Bollywood types and Thackeray.

DD wants his chariot. So, no Mumbai for him. Delhi is where it’s at, for the braveheart DD.