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FWD: Jhelo this stuff!

I hate forwards! Need I say it more clearly? I HATE FORWARDS!

BY VIKAS TRIPATHI

 

5 Jan 2005: It's really sad to see one of the most useful of modern inversions, e-mail, can fall into such abysmal levels of misuse. What surprises me even more is that we actually care to read these forwarded messages like gullible idiots.

Over the years, I have been bombarded with hundreds, or may be thousands of such forwards. Most of these actually suffer a "shift - Delete" the very moment they arrive in my mail box.

In my earlier days, when I was innocent, curious and gullible; I used to actually spend time and read the forwards. These precarious mails used to come in a few distinct categories. These categories speak volumes about the lack of creativity among the mail forwarding sources. These forwards come in these well defined categories:

The oh-so-sadly-ill-fund-raiser: 
Typically, it has a sad story followed by a request for funds or monitory help ("money" doesn't sound too great, you see). It goes something like this: I am So and So, and my wife/child/mother/dog is suffering from Lymphosarcoma of the toe nail and the doctor says she/he/it will die in a month. The only way to make me live longer is spend a $ 1 million per day. See, I am so sad and lonely. I need the dollars because who knows, for every extra day my wife/child/mother/dog live, they may do some great deed which will go down in history! So if you are worth your salt on this planet; please forward this mail to 100 people. I need the contribution real fast.

The alert mail: 
1)
Please do not visit a theatre, restaurant or any public place. There are way too many people just waiting for you to visit those places. These people will somehow inject HIV virus or something into your veins (without you having a clue) and bingo! You are dead in a few month. These activities with the HIV virus provide cheap thrills to all the crooks who are out to get you. So beware! 
2) Please do not use mobile phones/land lines and any modern means of communication because you can get a 4000 volts shock and you will die in no time. It happened to my uncle's nephew last month. 
3) Please do not ever consume a soft drink, you will be dead before you can even get to know the full form of DTD. Actually soft drinks like Coke were launched as poison/insecticide/toilet cleaner during the 1st World War but the soldiers started drinking them out of ignorance and got hooked to the stuff. You, the enlightened one, shall not consume such poison. Drink only municipal water.

Needless to say, you are asked to forward these to as many ignorant fools as you know for the greater service to mankind.

The blessing from God Himself: 
Sometimes God Himself, and the innumerable Godmen and Godwomen descend in your mail box at regular intervals. The mail actually has a symbol (the more "Tantric", the better), pictures of obscure looking Gurus, some deeply philosophical message ("We all die someday"). The requirement is simple, you are asked to forward this to 500 people in the next 3 seconds or God Himself will blow your mailbox off. If you do manage it to forward it the said number of people, all your wishes will be fulfilled (that means, you will never need to work again and spend all your live in Switzerland amidst great luxury).

That's enough.

Now, please forward this to 1 million people in the next 5 seconds, or else….

BY VIKAS TRIPATHI

God save the Malayalee

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