Boom is our kind of film! Boom is what we are!

In the first week of its release, the verdict is unanimous: Boom is a horrible, pathetic movie. It is, in fact, evil. It is India's first porn movie. Amitabh Bachchan should do penance. The models should be donated sarees.

Give me a fucking break!

First, if you were offended by that word there, do not watch the movie. Okay, we all spit it out all the time, heck, kids do. There it is in plenty, in Kaizad Gustad's Boom. If you hate the sound of it, avoid Boom like the plague.

I watched Boom. I have always found Kaizad Gustad a little pretentious - but that is just my opinion. In the opening minutes of Boom, he introduces Javed Jaffrey with the line, "tick fucking tock fucking tick." We all are immediately supposed to understand that this is a so-called-cool film, this is a cool underworld character. Sorry Kaizad, it just looked at a pathetic attempt at trying to look cool. 'Fuck'  is a sacred word, it should never be taken in vain. 

I have assembled a small collection of pieces in the media on Boom. Everyone and his dog seems to dislike the movie. I did not dislike the movie. I did not particularly like it either. It is just an average movie which deserves average revenue, average criticism and an average run in the theatres. Before we move to my own little review of Boom and Boom critics, take a look at the Boom reviews below.

Language

 Boom has a tremendous amount of obscenities being mouthed by its cast. Great. If the underworld and fashion world do not mouth obscenities, who will? Hritik Roshan or Kareena Kapoor in a family movie? The f-words are too many, but if you want to hear more, just hang around a 20-something crowd. That little girl with the nose-ring is looking into her boyfriend's eyes and playfully saying "Fuck". Those pals over a beer in Churchgate Store and laughing and telling each other to "Fuck Off." The exe-commuter navigates the rush hour traffic by the power of "Fuck". The bureau chief in all the newspapers above looks at the body of the kid that has been run over by the smelly dumper truck and says softly to himself, "Fuck".  The 7th-standard kid just asked to pony up for tomorrow's examination mutters "Fuck." Too much verbal obscenity in the movie? End of discussion, pal. Kaizad's use of the sacred term is just to bring in the coolness factor, and he has overdone it. But we never attack a Barjatya for overdoing the tears. 

Acting

The girls can barely act. Point taken. But they are at home in their underwear, in a way that our other established actresses never will be. Or any of us, for that matter. It is highly unlikely that there are any actresses in India who can fit into their roles (or clothes), if these girls can't. They have the figures, they know what pointless catfights are, they can look like models, can speak in the accented English of the catwalk, and can mouth obscenities without embarrassment. Sorry, however bad their acting turns out to be, there is no one else who can play the roles of foul-mouthed models among our general lot Bollywood of actresses.

Javed Jaffrey's acting is good, the role fits him like a glove (though I am sure Kaizad Gustad w\can think of a raunchier simile).

Bachchan is the surprise package of the film.  Every single review has blamed him for acting in Boom. Mayank  Shekhar  wants him to apologize to the nation. Others cannot believe how Bachchan gave his consent to this movie.

I am no fan of Amitabh Bachchan. In fact, in the past 10-15 years, I believe that he has basically played himself in all his roles. He is hardly India's answer to Al Pacino. He is an aging actor, surviving on the magic of his superstar heydays and Kaun Banega Crorepati. Even his latest ads on TV are ridiculous.

But in Boom, Bachchan shines. As the kingpin of a smuggling ring, Bachchan is at his brilliant best. If the ultimate job if an actor is to be the character, the man has done it with aplomb. He plays a smuggler-king, obsessed with Miss-India type women, hates women with any hint of moustaches, kills without remorse, and basically looks like the third-rate, rich, uncultured, underworld type in Dubai to a T. Oh, he doesn't like the father you wish you had, dears. He doesn't look dignified - the horror! The Horror! He is not the hero, he is devil incarnate! My advice to journalists - Go have a peg of cheap vodka and curse him using new words you have picked up from Kaizad's movie. And if you can get hold of a pirated VCD, replay the girls' scenes. Get a life.

Script

The less said the better. The story does not hang together, defies logic, defies everything. It is supremely vacuous. Boom does not have a script, for all practical purposes. Sometimes it appears, like an Unidentified Flying Object. The it vanishes, leaving no traces, just like a UFO. Boom the film is barely hung together by the cleverness of its one-liners. Nothing more, nothing less.

Media coverage

Finally, here we are. Two Mid-day reporters, I forgive. All they did was report. The NDTV story is also a report, with quotes and counter-quotes. Anil Thackraney has put it well - the movie is an egg. Leave it, is this the way we treat over-hyped rotten eggs? Get back to work, he says. Right on, sir.

But my favourite is Mayank Shekhar. He is accurate when he describes Boom as "Juvenile junkie fantasy." It is. Nah, just make that juvenile fantasy. You do not need to be a junkie to think this movie up. This is the fantasy of every fourteen year old. This is what a 14-year-old wants to see. This is probably what a lot of 40-year-old wants to see too. If only they can see it with a drink in hand and in a guy-crowd, they would enjoy this silly film.

Mayank Shekhar is more shocked about something else - how come Bachchan acted in a semi-porn movie? Ah, how indeed. 

For one, Mayank needs an education in what constitutes  a semi-porn movie. Wild Orchid is a semi-porn movie. A semi-porn movie has sex as the basic theme. There is a lot of nudity, though frontal nudity is carefully avoided. But women in bikinis or shorts with their arses hanging out do not make a semi-porn movie. Dirty dialogue does not make a semi-porn movie. For further awareness and enlightenment on what makes a semi-porn movie, as your nearest video library. The shopkeeper can probably give you a good education and make up for the serious lacunae in your teen life and give you knowledge. Who knows, maybe it will change the lives of all those who think Boom is semi-porn.

"Getting seduced by Padma Lakshmi’s stripper act and watching jaded Zeenat Aman do a Dum Maro Dum for a sleaze show." Why not? This is not Sholay ka Bachchan, this is Chhote Miya, and he can do all that. This is not Bachchan the father act, this is Bachchan, the mafioso act. Sure he can.

 My only regret is, Bachchan would probably never act differently again. For all his superstar aura, Bachchan is a man who does not want to be larger than himself. He knows he is in this for money, milk the Indian film viewer as much as he can, and he knows he has to do it quickly. His second coming is a god-send for himself. But however much his need for money goes (he needs lots - ABCL still hangs around his neck), he is hardly courageous. You do movies like this to be an Al Pacino. Convincingly portraying offbeat characters is what shows you up as an actor. I think Bachchan will be too scalded by the critics to try this again.

That, in the end, is my real sorrow. If this movie was good, Bachchan may have felt confident about taking up adventurous roles. Work with a Ramu, maybe. That is not going to happen now. That, really, is the pity.

Ashok Nambiar